When life brings you to your knees

You better believe, 

that's a not-so-subtle 

reminder you that 

YOU 

are

 NOT 

in control.

I am the biggest culprit I know of trying to be in control (of everything).

Here is a quick story of how yours truly was (not-so-subtly) reminded of the truth.

One week ago Erik crashed while skiing at 49 Degrees North, and during that crash his left ski pole slammed very, very hard into the upper left side of his abdomen.

Fast forward an ER visit, a CT scan, an ambulance ride, and many hours later...

and there he was...

my husband...

suddenly a patient at Sacred Heart Medical Center in Spokane, WA.

I felt like it was a dream, it didn't seem possible.

I thought I could blink and we'd all be back in our cozy home together, 

like it was "supposed" to be.  

Erik was admitted in order to monitor for further bleeding 

or potential rupture of his Grade 3 Lacerated Spleen.

(I liked the term the surgeon used better, he called it a "cracked spleen".  It's easier to picture it that way since it wasn't literally cut open, it was blasted open by the force of the impact of the ski pole.)

He was discharged after just over 24 hours in the hospital, and I could literally write a book about all the emotions I have experienced since he called me on his way down from the ski resort last Friday telling me why he was heading to the ER in Chewelah.

This past week has been trying and humbling and scary and eye-opening...

and could've been a lot worse, that's for sure.

We are so thankful that Erik is now on the mend, 

his pain is diminishing, 

and it is looking hopeful that he will be able to keep his spleen inside his body!

Doctor's orders prescribed 6 weeks of taking it easy,

that includes not skiing...

which is a hard pill to swallow for a skiing addict like Erik!!!!

He is also on medical leave from work until he is cleared 

by the surgeon who monitored him at Sacred Heart.

In the mean time he is spending lots of bonding time with Bennett and Sawyer while simultaneously trying not to lift them too much or let them jump on his spleen...

also a hard pill to swallow for an amazing Daddy like Erik!!!

As I said, I was taught a lesson this week regarding who is in control and who isn't.

I can't tell you how badly I wanted to be in TWO PLACES at the SAME TIME 

while this was all transpiring...

I have had that feeling before for various reasons, but never as strongly as that moment when my husband was being sent away in an ambulance without me being able to go with him... And then packing up a bag and driving to Spokane believing that I was about to have my first night away from both my sons, ever.

So,

I prayed...

the whole way to Spokane.

  

By the grace of God I was able to let go of all my fears and anxieties, and entrust the care of my husband to the staff on the 5th floor of a major medical center, and entrust the care of my two precious sons into the hands of two of their aunts. 

And by entrusting the care of three of the people I love most in this world into the hands of other people... it really wasn't those "other people" who were holding them in their hands...  It was the Creator of the stars and the sky and the water and the land and the plants and the animals and of you and of me.

"Sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best, and in those times God is not ashamed of our performance.  He is proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotion to do His will.  God isn't interested in our stellar performance, but in our hearts.  He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities."

(A quote that couldn't have had better timing for me this week in bible study, credit to Beth Moore!)